last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
