you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
