so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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