yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
