just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
