maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
