so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
