Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
