She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
