Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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