She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
