i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
