Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
