I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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