Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
