I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
