Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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