turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
