making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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