Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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