He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
