I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
