She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
