dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
