My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she peed on how many people?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
