I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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