Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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