I think my fart just growled at me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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