Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
