True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
