She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
