My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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