ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
