Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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