I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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