"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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