I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
