There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
