I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
