sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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