I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
