They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
