i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
