What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
