You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
