please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
