So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
