wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
