She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Text me some of your sweat
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
