My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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