I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
