Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
NoShamevember. You game?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
