The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
