i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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