Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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