Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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