Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
