Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
